Mentors and Coaches: Doing and Being

Some of the most important trusted advisers, mentors and coaches in my life have never worked in my industry. They’ve never practiced in the fine arts, or managed a sales organization or published a newspaper. They’ve never run a coaching or consulting group either. Yet, they seem to show up at precisely the right time and deliver precisely the right message to provide guidance and valuable new perspectives.

What makes certain people indispensable resources and contributors to our professional growth despite never having actually walked in our shoes?

My theory is that these special people have an ability to help us tap into how we are being, rather than what we are doing. They’re able to hold a mirror up, so we can see how we’re showing up.

To outside observers, what we choose to do on any given day may or may not materially impact our effectiveness. But how we choose to do it, which is more clearly observable, is another predictor of how effective we’re likely to be.  In fact, it’s half the story.

Mentoring tend to be somewhat more directive than coaching. Mentors often make recommendations based on their direct experiences. They focus on the doing, and provide answers or solutions to follows. Coaches focus more on the being, and tend to reflect more on the other persons experiences. They provide questions, and then ask you to commit to actions of your own choosing.

In my experience, the best mentors exhibit coach-like behaviors (presence, deep listening, exploring alternatives, surfacing intentions), and the best coaches demonstrate mentor-like behaviors (acting with urgency, guiding when appropriate).

Great mentors and coaches transform lives. Whatever your professional intentions are going in the new year, I recommend finding one of each.